Talk about efficiency in the municipal ranks!! it is 23:48 hrs and i am witness to a bizarre occurence. a road-roller is smoothening the road outside and a full team of experts is present to oversee the proceedings.

moving away to matters that can’t be settled with a roller (sigh!), the following is a post made at another forum by a friend and i just could not resist the temptation to share it.

The way we women describe the intimacy we want is remarkably
consistent: It’s that sense of oneness between two people that flows
from an open, meaningful exchange of thoughts, feelings and
affection. It’s about each one entering the other’s private world,
not merely for a short visit, but to unpack and take up residence. As
women, we often see intimacy as something that includes physical
displays of affection and time spent talking and listening to each
other. But far more than that, intimacy is what gives women the
feeling that they’re no longer just a “me” but also part of an “us.”
In fact, it’s what defines the shared life. It’s the whole bundle of
visible and invisible ways her man assures her (and keeps reassuring
her) that he is the one person on this planet who knows and cherishes
her for who she is. When something that precious is missing, we
notice it!

The challenge is that while men value intimacy as much as women do,
they differ dramatically in their view of what it takes to achieve
and maintain it. We tend to pursue a close, profound relationship in
a way that can be described as an upward spiral. Men value a generous
and continuous exchange of information, demonstrations of affection
(especially nonsexual ones) and consistent efforts to look out for
their best interests. When these are present, the relationship feels
as if it is progressing to a higher level, not unlike a steady trek
to the top of a mountain.

For men, intimacy is a prize to be gained by getting in the finish
line in strict sequential order and with minimal repetition. The
linear progression goes something like this: (1) Express your
interest. (2) Date to build trust. (3) Make a commitment: You’ve got
each other now. Once a man has moved to the next level of closeness,
he finds no practical value in maintaining the traditions associated
with the previous level. Men see intimacy as a settled fact, an
achieved goal that implies they no longer need to do what they have
already done to gain it. Repeating earlier expressions of intimacy
(“Why are you asking me if I love you when I told you a long time ago
that I do?”) suggests to him that the two of you really haven’t made
it to the finish line. It’s like having to repeat a year in school.

Add to this the reality that intimacy is a completely subjective
feeling of closeness. For women it often means “Don’t stop our
traditions of showing me/telling me/holding me/hearing me, because
that’s what reassures me that you love me.” For men it often
means “Keep finding new ways to accommodate my practical needs/admire
me/assist me/applaud me.” Neither way is any more or less loving than
the other; they are simply two different roads that lead to the same
destination. But unless both the man and the woman are willing to
travel each of those two roads some of the time, one or the other may
fail to experience the closeness he or she desires.

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